I understand that the radio frequency of my thoughts is not one commonly tuned into to. I'm ok with that. There is so much going on that nothing is going on. I kind of like it. to be more specific i think i learn something new about myself everyday. no vain intented. i literally am rambling white noise right now. everyday is reassurance. that's comforting. but whats the point? smile it feels good.

you gain some you retain some you forget some you remain nomadic regardless.

Today is not the day.

I'm sitting in the computer lab reading about the Upanishads and Hinduism and listening to worship music. I love my life. It's so full of comparisons and contradictions not all necessarily bad because like some religious studies philosopher said you can't truly understand one thing without knowing the other. I love reading. If I could I would be a bum in the streets of Berkeley, California and my only possession would be a library card. GAH as I'm typing this I have so much on my mind. I compare my thoughts to the broad depths of Hinduism. And as my thoughts progress certain underlying themes/understandings arise and to each outsider trying to it is a unique grasp. Because Hinduism is so broad each individual studying/trying to understand it or taking part in it can receive something completely different than the next. I use Hinduism as an example because I am reading extensively about it and gaining and interesting grasp on it. Just as you can learn something from every person. You can learn something from every religion and culture and so on and so forth. As much as I want to stress and freak out about the Mount Everest of a work load/schedule ahead of me I know I am where I am supposed to be and thankfully God is keeping me at peace. Just a little healthy distraction/break from my relentless reading. Ta ta for now.

blah

couple things.
empathy/sympathy
and individual struggle

empathy its hard to give. because how can we truly know what that other person is going through at that moment in time. Therefore all we can offer is our thoughts and sympathy and compassion. but sometimes that may not be enough. and then when we feel our time/thoughts/compassion aren't getting anywhere or doing anything then we want to get frustrated and can sometimes minimize the struggle of others. so in essence true patience is a prerequisite for true empathy.

i just think that everyone has their own struggles, some that people may be able to understand and others that people can't and for the latter it just makes me think that ultimately it is up to that person and God. because you can be with people, around people, but if they don't understand the magnitude or complexities of your struggle it can make you feel very alone and isolated. In that sense you are, but if God is in your life you are never alone. So therefore being alone in earthly terms is not a bad thing at all because you are never truly alone. this makes no sense and i dont want it to. i really just dont have the energy or brain power to try. But maybe struggle is good. because it can make you think and realize. ya struggle is good. it can give you perspective.

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Lesson learned.
Asian ramen noodle bowls in microwave with top on...not the most brilliant idea. idiotic moment: check....never do it again: check.

thoughts thought to protect can sometimes just inhibit. let the lights of simplicity shine through and the bare truth takes you farther. with a warmth that is never the same with layers on. embrace it. once completely showered in light you can only get warmer but never too hot. always the most perfect temperature. becauase He is perfect. it's a limitless upwards and outwards expansion from then on. and it radiates.






You make me smile. in Him is you and vice versa.

You've brought me to the light. From the depths of the seemingly inescapable debilitating and frightening caverns of thought emotion and soul. A place that leaves a scar. Maybe not one visible to the naked eye. But you move on. Never realizing or noticing that that scar has got you in a chokehold, with enough air to survive but nothing more. Until you feel those faint rays of sunshine do you remember the sweetness and tenderness and beauty in things. it's a shame. to try and hide from that light when it shines so incredibly and breathtakingly bright. like a weak and wounded animal though, its easy to retreat in mistrust and caution. but when the light of Him is so awesome in the most meaningful and literal way there is no other alternative than to bask in its glory.

















memories that stick with you
follow your every move. dictating. leading to
a blackness that is not just color
eyes wide open in darkness is misleading
just as the armor intended to protect