What did not happen

So I did not just walk half-way to popeyes to get a cheesecake and trip beyond belief to the point of not being able to catch myself so that I ate it extra hard and I did not get my shirt and jeans extra dirty and all the black people people that witnessed this epic fall that didnt occur did not laugh obnoxiously loud at the sight they did not see and I did not get up and walk back to my dorm.

The end.

In the event that it, in fact, did happen it would have looked something like this minus the ice and hockey gear and substitute with concrete.